Drama

Do I know it, or do I know it..

I hate you.

Totalitarianism

Ciplak-ed off Wikipedia:

Totalitarianism (or totalitarian rule) is a political system where the state recognizes no limits to its authority and strives to regulate every aspect of public and private life wherever feasible.

In other words, you can't go take a dump without asking your governing body/person. Imagine the fun of living in a world where only one person's opinion matters. The public isn't allowed to take part in any political related activities.

And that is how it all starts..

Pn. Hari - You're a racist. Big whoop. Pn. Hari, we all know that already, so there's no need to cover it up yeah. Not that anybody minds, you're entitled to your own opinion as we all are, but there's no need to come barging into my life and calling me out for choosing her. That's just bad taste. Keep your already pointy nose out of my business please.

Pn. Aminahton - Queen of the last minute work, eyh? Why don't you learn to do stuff earlier, and not scold your students for all your mistakes. That way, maybe people won't hate you that much. Not that I hate you, but I don't like you either. Loosen up on the scolding, and get more organized or just shut the fuck up. It's the only way you'll lose the title "slave driver"

Ustazahs of SMKWM - Just stay the fuck away.

Pn. Roslina - The little Normala that never could. Or, the little bitch that tried over and over, but still failed. You try really really hard to be just like her. Bias, making a complete fool out of yourself, overall trying to stick your nose in places where they don't belong. For fucks sake, if I told you there's a bar of gold deep inside the boys toilet you'd actually stick your hand into every hole just looking for it. You sad little twat. And I bet if Normala ever get what she wants, you'll be her right hand fuckface, right?

Pn. Norjihan - Who died and made you queen of the fucking world? You little bitch, I'd have turned you upside down and shaken whats left of your brains out myself if not for the fact that you're so fat and heavy that I wouldn't be able to carry you. How the fuck did you even become the advising teacher for the dance team? You can't move 10 feet without wiping out one of earths natural resources. And calling me kurang ajar? Go back to kindergarten, and learn the real meaning of kurang ajar please. I stood up for what I believed, wait, what I knew was right, and you couldn't accept that, you spineless ass-kisser.

Pn. Normala - You really are the epitomy of bias and stupidity. You could use a little work in the ass-kissing section though, maybe look for your friend Norjihan and ask her to give you lessons. How the fuck does your mind work, you sick bitch? You want to be involved in everything, and not because you care about everything, but because you want the glory. You want the power, and the students give it to you, and so do the teachers you bully. Don't think nobody notices how you lumber around the staff room like a rhino, taking candy from the little babies. And your emcee skills. They fucking suck. As in. Fucking. SUCK. Thank god the principal has a brain large enough to keep you in your place, for now.

Afiz - You're the special mention here, the only person below 30 to hit this list. Con-fucking-gratulations. You should be proud of yourself. At only 15, you've already managed to piss off the most cool of cool heads. You're the great pretender, always the best at everything, isn't that right? You're good at studies, athletics, and you've also led a choir! That makes you the fucking king of the hill amirite? Think twice ass-wipe, nobody likes you. And when I say nobody I mean, nobody. You're just a whiny little bitch who sizes up by bringing other people down. You have no idea how much I wanted you to fall flat on your face. You were lucky enough to pull out of choir. Drama king, or rather, king of the drama kings. There's nothing much to say about you, except that you suck ass, and being gay would be good taste for you.

Jojo - Now, I don't know your real name, nor do I want to. I think keeping you named as Jojo is good enough. You don't even deserve a title there, seeing as you're already Penolong Pengarah Kementerian Penerangan. That makes me oh so fucking scared. You're like Afiz all grown up, barging in at the very fucking last minute and changes everything to your liking. Its your preference, not the preference of the public, the people attending the show, and you still want to change it. While you're at it, might as well shorten the concert and cut out cool shit like the recorder songs and the guy's song. All because you had a fight with a 16-year-old Chinese boy. And I'm glad as ever that I fought with you. It just proves what a piece of horse-shit you are. Its like you're unable to talk without trying to bring someone down. And when you didn't manage to do it with me you take it out on my choir guys. Smart. You're worthy of the title of "worlds biggest douche bag", and I think I'll hand that to you personally, when I get the chance. But I think Jiason is going to get you first, so I'll take whats left of you. Jojo, living proof that the government is fucked.

Lol

Its fun to be tired, cranky and pissed at the same time. You should try this concoction of emotions, it feels just like smashing a flaming brick onto your left ribs. Then when you're lying on the floor bleeding out your side like cats and dogs, praying that you won't kick it, that there's someone else on your side, you finally realize that you're all alone in life, and nobody cares, not even the big guy up in the sky. Oh just let me die here alone, not like you guys will notice right?

Things are better again with her. We talk, laugh a bit, hang out after school sometimes. Its just like the old times. Well, almost. But who am I to complain? I'm but half of the relationship. That's the thing with relationships. Both people have to be heading in the same direction for it to work. I guess I'm just too slow then :)

But I figure everything is going to be alright, so long as she doesn't know whats going on in my head. Some things are better left untold I've heard..

Alone

At home. I'm missing school too, not like anybody would notice. They're all either at UPM or Petrosains for some field trip. Me? I couldn't be bothered actually, going to school and not catching a glimpse of her makes all the less worthwhile.

Sometimes I wonder, was it the right thing to have told her so much? Maybe if I kept life a secret, away from her in a deep dark storage container, she would not be so upset? To the point that a little bird told me she doesn't talk much to her at home anymore. The torment in her, she tries to hide it but I can see it in her eyes, even though she won't look at me anymore. It makes me think about that faithful 29th of May, or even 4th of September. She could've been alone and free, or even better, she could be with another soul, happy that he is more caring than I, always there when she needs him. For I am not of the same world as she is..

Would life have been better for her had I not popped that question?

I guess..

I tried to put a smile on for today, after all, I was at another beings house. It was okay for awhile, but then she came. Everything went downhill after that. She didn't seem to want to converse with me today, I think maybe she was just shy. I pray it was just that actually, imagine if just didn't want to talk with me. But then again, she did shun me from walking her back, a short walk, but a walk nonetheless. It would've been nice to walk her back, even though the distance was not far, nor would the time have been long. I would've enjoyed the short moments in life with her, but they seem so far away from where I am.

Now I worry that she no longer feels for me the way she used to. Maybe its my fault.. It probably is.

I guess she's just not that into me anymore, if she ever was.. Oh well, time will tell.

Happy birthday Yazmeen.. and Harez

11th July, Yazmeen

12th July, Harez

You're both so old :D

Absence

There is a room over there. A room that's missing something. There is an absence in that room. The red paint has faded off the walls into a dull maroon, almost greyish in shade. What used to be warmth and joy is now just cold, the room is so cold it sends shivers down my spine. There is no furniture, nothing left of the past. As I stand in it, my mind empties as I lay to the floor and just stare at the damp ceiling.. An open window slams and opens against the wind. Perhaps that is how it got in?

Headaches

What am I to do, when in my heart emotions battle?

It will be a long hard battle, one that will rage my body to its very core.

I just hope that one emotion stays true, and prevails.

I'm tired when she talks. But then I'm tired when anyone talks now. I'm just tired I guess. Its a funny feeling, to feel 4 times your age. Sometimes I want to ignore her, just so I can get some rest, and forget about the world outside my own, ignored barren land. But when she looks at me, when she looks at me with her round, perfect eyes, filled with innocence and hope, I can do nothing but to accept her into my heart. She, who has done so much for me, I cannot forget her, and I never will.

What can I do to make her happy?

The Sands of Time

Alas, always changing relentlessly, moving here and there, never stopping once to rest. It is such the futility of ones efforts to control the sands. The Sands, one could say, is a sapient life form, capable of logical reasoning, and always using it to shift the balance of our lives. We cannot say our future, for our future is unknown, left only to the bending and willing of the Sands of Time..

Questions. The one thing that keeps our lives moving. Or rather, the one thing that keeps us alive. Questions. Provoking the minds of the young and bothering the minds of the elderly. Everyone will face the same battles, the same mountains, all that differentiates us is questions. To answer it this way, or that way, that is our own choice. And that will lead us to our fate. For the Sands of Time always contort us into a position of extreme discomfort, knowing what questions to pitch at us.

---

I am sitting on a fence, and old fence. Old and worn torn, swaying to the winds command. I believe this fence will break anytime, dragging me to the floor with it. The pain would be rather intense. I could jump. Jump off this cliff that the fence is precariously positioned on. But why would I jump? What would I be jumping onto? What would I be jumping for? Or. Who would I jump for?

I look down at my feet. They look funny, dangling in the air, rather small compared to whats down there below me. The sea. One large body of water, or 2 hydrogen atoms 1 oxygen atom, if we'd like to get scientific about it. The name of this sea escapes me. For this is no ordinary sea. It is a sea of emotions, whirling together seamlessly, almost as if working towards the same goal. I look out on the horizon. A sea of blue and green awaits, calm and happy. The ultimatum of life, desired by all, but never attainable. Untouchable, unattainable, irretrievable, it all spells the same thing; nothing. I look closer to me. Red. Brown. Anger. Greed. Pain. Suffering. Hardship. Most of what I see is red. I now fear the worst for me, as soon enough the fence will drop down, plunging me into the waters that I fear.

But I see a familiar face out there, playing along the blue and green. It is but a girl, happily walking the shoreline of a small island in the middle of the blue. She looks up at me, straight in the eyes, and smiles. A smile that fills the crevices of my heart with warmth and happiness. I believe this is called love. We share our moment for awhile before she walks into the forest, avoiding my gaze. Thus, my heart again is filled by nothing but a desire, a desire to be with her. To sit on the shoreline with her every evening, watching the sun go down as we contemplate life, and the wonder that is the link that we share because of love.

But what if I just turn around and jump off the other way? I look behind me. Darkness. Emptiness. The void. A cold shiver creeps up my neck, I know what I fear most awaits me in the void. Solitude. Once a coward of being alone, always a coward of being alone. I turn back and face the ocean. The sun beats on my skin, sending warmth and I wonder; is this courage? Or is this just an illusion, the sun tempting me to jump.. I gaze again at the blue and green. Its far away, almost hidden by the raging red.

I close my eyes, and pray the choice I make is the right one. Then I.